Lunch Break

Left the office. Missed the train. Had to wait. Was bored. Wanted the train to come. Had nothing to do. Had nothing to read. Only had an hour. Got to Burritoville . Ordered. Didn’t want to tip so I didn’t. Ate the food. Didn’t want to go back to work. Left to go back to work. Went into a bookstore knowing I didn’t have time. Looked briefly at a book but didn’t have time to get into it. Saw a photography book called “Terryworld” and felt shitty and unattractive. Felt like he must have a better life than me. Hated my life and the office. Looked at a book about one of my favorite filmmakers, Lars von Trier, and felt shitty. Felt like he must have a better life than me. Wondered if he worries at night. Saw pictures of him as a young man in the 70’s, which wasn’t that long ago. Thought about how old he is now. Thought about how fast life goes by. (Just now thought about being 30. Just now thought about being almost 31.) Saw a pretty girl browsing nearby. Was too scared to talk to her. Chose to scoot by her so that maybe something could happen. Scooted by her quietly saying, “Excuse me, ” then nervously laughed. Felt shitty that that’s all I did. What a tactic. Looked at magazines about filmmaking. Felt shitty I don’t make films and work in an office. Saw a cover photo of Daniel Day Lewis’ wife. Yearned for a beautiful wife. Left. Decided to get a mocha at Starbucks. Then decided to get an iced mocha as they’re less sweet and it was hot out. Thought about how I didn’t have time to get a mocha, but decided to get one anyway. Got one. Looked at the guy who was taking my order and realized my arms were about as big as his and that I don’t have it so bad. I actually liked the way his arms looked. Saw a pretty girl on the train. Wanted to talk to her. Didn’t. Was too afraid. Got to Grand Central and thought about making films and how far away that seemed. Walked into office. Made myself work.